Breaking Through the Upper Limit: Your Best Life Lies Ahead
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."
– Marianne Williamson
Have you ever felt on the brink of something amazing, only to suddenly find yourself derailed? Maybe a big opportunity presented itself—a promotion, an exciting relationship, or a new venture—and instead of embracing it, you pulled back or fell into self-sabotaging habits. If this resonates, you’re not alone. In his book The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks describes this phenomenon as the Upper Limit Problem—a hidden barrier we all hit when we’re close to experiencing greater success, happiness, and fulfillment than we’re used to.
At its core, the Upper Limit Problem arises because we’re afraid of our own potential—our light. Marianne Williamson’s powerful words remind us of a fundamental truth: it’s not failure we fear most, but the brilliance we’re capable of achieving. This fear keeps us stuck, playing small, and avoiding the growth we so deeply crave. Let’s explore how the Upper Limit Problem manifests and how you can break through it to embrace your power beyond measure.
What Is the Upper Limit Problem?
In The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks explains that many of us have an internal thermostat for success, happiness, and love. This thermostat is set based on the beliefs we’ve internalized throughout our lives—beliefs about how much good we deserve. When things in our lives start to exceed this internal "set point," we unconsciously sabotage ourselves. Hendricks calls this hitting our Upper Limit.
The Upper Limit Problem manifests as:
Procrastination just when things are going well.
Picking fights in relationships at moments of closeness.
Experiencing unexplained illnesses or accidents right after a breakthrough.
Feeling inexplicably anxious or guilty when life is going too well.
Sound familiar? These self-sabotaging behaviors are your mind’s way of pulling you back into your comfort zone. They occur because deep down, we believe we don’t deserve to feel this much success or joy. But here’s the truth: you do deserve it. And more importantly, the world needs your light.
Why We Fear Our Light
Marianne Williamson’s quote hits at the heart of the Upper Limit Problem: "It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." Why would we fear our own light—our talents, power, and potential?
Fear of Outshining Others: Hendricks explains that many of us hold back because we fear making others uncomfortable. As children, we may have learned not to “show off” or to dim our success so others wouldn’t feel small. But playing small doesn’t serve anyone. When you shine brightly, you inspire others to do the same.
Fear of Change: If we embrace our full potential, our lives will change. Relationships may shift, responsibilities may grow, and the unknown can feel daunting. Staying in our comfort zone feels safer—even if it’s unfulfilling.
Fear of Failure (in Disguise): It’s easier to avoid stepping into our light than to risk failing once we do. If we don’t try, we can’t fail… right? But this logic keeps us stagnant. The truth is, success is not about perfection—it’s about growth.
Identity Conflict: When you’ve lived at a certain level of success, happiness, or abundance, stepping into something bigger may feel like stepping into someone else’s shoes. “Who am I to be this successful?” you might think. But who are you not to be?
Recognizing Your Upper Limit Behaviors
The first step to overcoming the Upper Limit Problem is recognizing how it shows up in your life. Here are some common signs to watch for:
Negative Self-Talk: Do you suddenly hear thoughts like “I don’t deserve this” or “This won’t last”?
Self-Sabotage: Are you avoiding important tasks, being critical of your progress, or neglecting your well-being?
Anxiety or Guilt: When things go well, do you feel uneasy or guilty, as if you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Unnecessary Conflicts: Do you find yourself creating tension in relationships when things are otherwise harmonious?
These behaviors are clues that you’re bumping up against your Upper Limit.
Breaking Through Your Upper Limit
Here’s the good news: you can reset your internal thermostat and embrace your full potential. Here’s how:
Awareness Is Key: Begin by noticing when you’re hitting an Upper Limit. Awareness alone can disarm the power of these unconscious patterns.
Own Your Right to Joy and Success: Remind yourself that you deserve happiness, success, and love. Repeat affirmations like:
“I expand in success, love, and abundance, and I inspire others to do the same.” (This is Hendricks’ core affirmation.)Shift Your Mindset About Your Light: Ask yourself: What if my light inspires others to step into their own? Instead of fearing how others will react, imagine the positive ripple effect of you living fully.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Stepping into your light will feel uncomfortable at first—that’s normal. Growth happens outside your comfort zone. When self-sabotage or fear arises, recognize it as a sign that you’re growing.
Celebrate Your Successes: Give yourself permission to feel good about your achievements. Instead of brushing success aside, celebrate it. This rewires your brain to feel comfortable with higher levels of joy and accomplishment.
The World Needs Your Light
Here’s the truth: when you allow yourself to shine, you give others permission to do the same. Marianne Williamson’s quote continues:
"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Breaking through your Upper Limit isn’t just about you—it’s about the impact you’ll have on those around you. Whether in your career, relationships, or personal growth, stepping into your power creates a ripple effect of inspiration and possibility.
Final Thoughts: Take the Leap
You are powerful beyond measure. The next time you feel the pull of self-sabotage or fear, recognize it as a sign that you’re reaching new heights. Lean into the discomfort, trust in your potential, and take the leap. Life isn’t about playing small—it’s about embracing the full extent of your light.
I invite you to reflect: Where are you holding back in your life? What would stepping into your light look like?
Let this be the moment you break through your Upper Limit. Because the world needs your light—now more than ever.
